And They Say Romance Is Dead
by ridesawhitebike
Summary: Never Go Back is sound advice, listen to it next time.
1. Chapter 1

She comes into the train station at a run. Well, as much as run as you can with an overnight bag slung over one shoulder, a briefcase, a skirt perhaps a little too short for the 'train station 100 metre invitational' and killer heels. The meeting had over-run, Friday afternoon management meetings always do, she knows this, makes allowances for it. Getting stuck in conversation with her boss afterwards had been stupid; she knows Marie loves to talk. Getting in the back of officially the 'Slowest cab in London' was plain unlucky, I mean, a cab driver who obeyed the speed limit _and_ red lights, really? What the fuck..?

Late. It won't be at the platform, she knows this, but it still doesn't stop her flashing her travel card at the guard, and more or less leaping the barrier, ignoring his cries "Excuse me miss" she runs on. Her view of the platform obscured by the seemingly endless building works going on, she runs on still. Hopefully. Until she sees. Or rather, doesn't see.

"Fucking bollocks" She pulls up, stops running. Hands on knees, and slightly out of breath, she realises that was out loud, quite loud by the look of disgust on the face of the grandmother stewarding her charges away from the obviously deranged woman...

She sighs. "Oh cocking cock, there better be another train..." more quietly though, in case granny reports her to the swear police.

She walks at a more leisurely pace back to the main station, ignores the looks from the guard she previously ran past, and heads for the information board. She stands beneath it, and tries to understand it. Next train in 40 minutes she finally works out, OK, that's not so bad, she can get a coffee, maybe a copy of Heat, with a guiltily mental note to herself about how she really, really has to give it up. Her excuse about being in advertising was wearing thin, even to herself. Daydreaming slightly she turns, not looking really where she's going, walks slap bang into what feels like a solid wall of worsted Khaki coloured jacket. She's sent sprawling to the floor. She contemplates a wicked put down whilst re-arranging her dignity, but she's beaten to it.

"I can Still see your knickers"

She knows that voice.

"Cook?" She's incredulous, after all these years, she runs into Cook, and what the fuck, he's dressed as a soldier?

A hand is extended; she grasps it, and is pulled to her feet, easily. The Cook that meets her eyes has changed from his teenaged self, he's wiry, leaner, she can see it in his face, he's the eyes of some-one who's looked over the chasm. His broad smile is still the same though, and still slightly bemused she's pulled into a hug.

"Fucking hell, it's good to see a friendly face, even if it is one I haven't seen in fucking ages, how the fuck are you?"

She shakes her head in amusement, is about to say something, doesn't get the chance as another young soldier approaches. He's carrying a bag.

"Your bag, Sir", he hands over the regulation case to Cook "Anything else, Sir?"

Cook shakes his head, "No, thanks Paul, that's it."

The younger soldier executes a snappy salute; turns before he gets a response from Cook and walks away. Cook half salutes back, smiles ironically, and turns back to Naomi. He holds his arms wide, a classic Cook stance.

Naomi effects an air of casual disinterest as she states, "That man saluted you"

"Yep, it's in the rules..." Cook smiles, nods, remembers the 'game' he has to play with her

"That means you're an officer or something?" She's regained her normal composure. Straight face.

Cook points to the three stars on a shoulder patch, says nothing. Naomi looks, shakes her head, shrugs, "And they mean, what? That you're good at counting past two?"

Cook laughs; he's lost the 'game' "I'm a Captain"

It takes her a moment before she lets out a single sharp laugh, her eyes go wide. "Captain Cook? That's fucking brilliant, I thought I had it bad, but fuck me, Captain Cook, that's class".

"Thanks, of all the people I thought I'd get sympathy from, cheers Naomikins ". He's laughing still.

**OooooO**

"...Fucking hell, has it really been that long?" he runs his hands through his short Army regulation cut "Five years?" He pauses, "I suppose it must be". They're sat at a small table outside a coffee concession.

Naomi nods in agreement, "Must be at least" She pauses, a hand is extended, and waves incoherently "You know since..." she leaves the sentence unfinished but understood by both of them. "That's why I'm headed back to Bristol. Invite from Panda to come down. You?

Cook looks at his coffee, "Yeah lucky break" he's suddenly cautious, weary of what his says next "In between postings, got some time off, otherwise..." he shrugs. "It'll be good to catch up" he smiles again "Look at you though, fucking hell, you look like fucking business woman of the year, what gives, I thought you'd be saving the whale or sommat"

"Saving Ms Campbell's bank balance, more like" She smiles grimly "It's as bad as you think; she pauses, scrunches her face in embarrassment "Advertising"

"Fucking hell, you sold out! That's worse than me". He laughs at her obvious discomfort.

"Yeah well, it turns out I'm good at writing a snappy line". She's laughing now herself. "So shoot me!"

"Ha ha, very fucking funny" He's not laughing.

Naomi nods into the silence, "So... Army? You?"

Cook looks at her, sighs "Walked out of prison straight to the recruitment office, turns out I'm 'naturally gifted' so direct Commission, five years later, Captain..."

Naomi raises her eyebrows in surprise, "Wow, that was short and sweet" she smiles, waiting for him to continue, fill in the blanks. When none comes, she stares at her coffee, "Right then".

Cook changes the subject after the silence goes on just a little too long. "So Gossip, who's doing what to who?"

Naomi breathes in, thinks for a moment, "Right, You know about JJ and Lara?"

Cook shakes his head, "Nope"

"Fucking hell, where have you been? Right, married another Kid on the way, JJ does computer programmes for disabled kids and I did the promo work" She smiles proudly. "Ummm, Panda and Tommo, not so great, lasted a couple of years, fizzled out. Katie...Fuck knows, hangs around with Effy they're practically inseparable" She looks up at the mention of Effy "You're not still..?"

Cook looks momentarily confused, then "Eff? Fucking hell Naomi haven't seen her in years, not thought about her really"

"Right, I just thought, you know...So that's it, you're up to date"

"Not quite" he looks at her.

"Don't look at me like that", she closes her eyes, "Finished ages ago, haven't seen her"

"What happen to the declaration of undying love?"

Naomi looks at her untouched coffee, lists on her fingers ". Try; possessive, Jealous...And that was just chips" it's another well worn line, It wasn't even that funny the first time she used it on her Mother. She looks at Cook "It's fine, really. Water, bridges all that shit". Smiles sadly.

"You with anyone, girl, fella?"

"I could tell you to mind your own business", she pauses, "had a few dates...You know, nothing serious, I'm an equal opportunity letch". Another line "You?"

He looks up sharply, "There was, she's dead now" he goes on before she can ask "Is she going to be there?"

Naomi shrugs "Dunno". Takes a breath, knows Cook well enough not to press the point "Fuck 'em, we'll go together, the ones that got away, right?"

Cook nods, raises his coffee in mock salute, "To getting away" he smiles, they 'clink' paper cups. He looks at his watch suddenly remembers why they're there. " Fucking hell, look at the time, we'll have to run for it.

"Fucking hell, not again..."


	2. Chapter 2

_The rear cargo space of a Chinook helicopter is incredibly hot, claustrophobic, sensory depriving and above all, a noisy place to be. Conversation, unless you're plugged into the intercom is impossible, so all communication is done with hand signals. There are signals for loading, unloading, dismount, turning and so on. Strangely thinks Cook, there's not one for: Stop the helicopter, I want to get off. Cook keeps one eye on the Loadmaster stationed at the 50cal. by the tail door, and the other on the terrain outside the half opened door. The Loadie puts a hand to his ear, turns to face Cook, and holds up a finger. One minute. He kicks Jameson, the US Marine on secondment to his unit, who in turn shakes both Chris and Mark. They all stand, and heave on their rucksacks, which weigh nearly as much as they do; they all strain under the weight, bending forwards at the waist, counterbalancing the massive green burdens. Cook's attention is drawn to the other side of the helicopter; the fifth member of his small band of misfits is standing, and pulling on her own lighter, but still hefty rucksack. She looks entirely out of place, slim, dark skinned, no more than late teens he'd guessed. He'd argued earlier that she's going to be dangerously out of her depth. _

"_She' just a girl, for fucks sake"_

_The JTAC had been less than impressed "Well spotted, James." He paused rubbed his greying temples prematurely aged by the unyielding stress. He continued, more conciliatory "She volunteered, OK? We have a shortage of translators, she's done the training, knows the risks, we take what we're given, now get on with it". He turns to leave, calls over his shoulder "Make sure she comes back"_

_She staggers over to where they are standing, and Jameson holds up the strop with the locking carabineer attached, she dutifully turns around and he attaches it to the rear of her rucksack, pulls on it a couple of times to make sure, and thumbs up to Cook . The door starts to whine as servos and hydraulics force it horizontal. The Loadie signals with his fingers: 5-4-3-2-, before he gets to one, the large helicopter pulls into a flare, its wheels not quite on the ground, and they jump/fall out of the back. The large helicopter's blades bite into the air, and it thunders away, leaving them fanned out, weapons drawn, scanning the horizon. Cook looks over to Jameson, sees the girl crouched beside him, and is relived she managed to at least get out without killing herself. Somewhere a dog barks._

**OooooO**

"Cook? Cook? Fucks sake, Cook?" Naomi waves a hand in front of his face "Hello? Do you want coffee?"

"Sorry, miles away" Cook smiles, "Coffee? Yeah, nice one"

They're sitting in the first class carriage; Naomi had at first been reluctant. "I don't have a ticket for first" Cook had smiled "The only reason I dress like this for travelling is precisely because I can travel first. No one, but no one will ask an Army officer to leave a first class carriage, guaranteed. Trust me" They sat at a table, ordered some drinks from the waiter, relaxed, fallen into a comfortable silence.

Cook noticed it on her arm as she waved it in front of him. He reached over, held her gently, turned it over to reveal the tattoo on her inner forearm in neat little writing. He reads aloud

"Satis?"

She looks away. "It's Latin. Translates as Enough. It's to remind me never to get involved with her again"

He nods and purses his lips, "There's some distance between 'its fine' and writing permanently on your arm to remind yourself of a failed relationship."

She looks at him for a long silent minute. "It was closure of a sort, you know?" She shrugs "Like running away to join the Army."

He smiles at her, "Touché" pauses, nods at the tattoo "Wanna talk about it?"

"With you? No" She fiddles with her coffee, "I've talked about it enough, done enough late night soul searching. I'm done with it." There's finality to her voice.

"You sound like you're trying very hard to convince yourself" He sits back in the chair looks at her hard.

She smiles at him "Leave it. Relationship councillor, you ain't. Change the subject"

"What do you want to talk about?"

Naomi's face hardens, "How about..? Why haven't you been in contact with anyone for five years? That seems like a good place to start. "

Cook flinches, he knew this was coming, and he doesn't have an answer that he knows she...they all deserve, shrugs. "I just needed to... Get out y'know?" it's not enough, and he knows it.

Naomi takes in a long breath, "She missed you. ...I missed you"

They look at each other across the table, until finally Cook stands, and walks over to her side; he sits on the chair next to her, and puts an arm around her shoulders. Naomi settles herself under his arm, a position she suddenly realises she's missed all these years. Cook chastely kisses her temple. "I'm Sorry"

**OooooO**

Emily checks once over her shoulder as she comes onto the motorway doing a steady 80. Makes a mental note of the rep-mobile in the middle lane ready to overtake in front of her, thinks it's going to be marginal. Goes for it anyway. She twists the throttle of her RVF400; its microprocessor realigns some valves in a microsecond and the small sports bike with its smaller passenger surge forward, its straight cut cam whining manically. She feels the familiar tear of air around her helmet, feels herself sliding back along the seat, and snuggles her arse against the pillion hump. She chases the rev counter with the gearbox, her hands and feet working in practiced and fluid concert, changing gear faster than any car driver can, she flicks around the Mondeo, gets a flash of lights for her trouble, gives a finger as she goes past. She checks the Speedo; 130 all in less than 4 seconds. She cackles out loud to herself in her helmet.

She keeps the throttle pinned open, at this rate even this bike drinks petrol, but right now she doesn't care, she crouches down as low as the tank bag will let her and still see, and chases the line of traffic in front of her. Emily loves her bike, not only does she get to ride fast in a way that she couldn't have imagined when, all those years ago she'd persuaded her dad to let her have a scooter. There's the added bonus of pissing off reps in shit cars. Rob, her tame mechanic looks after it like it's his own and best of all, both her Mother and Katie hate it.

**OooooO**

Naomi hears it coming from a way off down the street, before the others. Perhaps she's tuned to it; perhaps she's waiting for it. She doesn't care to inquire of herself either way. Making her excuses to an over-excited Panda and smothered Cook, wanders into the lounge that faces onto the street. She stands to one side, slightly behind a curtain, and waits. The familiar burble soon gets louder, and the small evil looking black bike comes into view. It stops outside the house, and the small rider flips the key, and the bike engine is stilled. Outside Emily can hear the bike cooling, ticking away contently to itself. She takes off her helmet, runs fingers through her shoulder length bob. Starts to take of the tank bag

Naomi takes an involuntary breath. Watches as Emily pulls the tank bag from its Velcro fastening, and takes a step back from the window before Emily sees her watching

Emily notices the movement from the lounge in the corner of her eye. Resists the urge to look. Knows who it is anyway. Smiles to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

_She walks over to where Cook and Chris are eating cold rations, she stands waiting for them to acknowledge her, after some time when it becomes clear they have no intention of stopping eating, she says "Jameson says the equipments ready, I'm going to start listening in, OK?" _

_Cook licks his spoon looks up at her, "Nice one." She continues to stand; he looks up again "Get on with it then"_

"_It's Soraya"_

"_What is?"_

_My name, it's Soraya."_

"_Like the Queen?" Soraya and Cook turn to face Chris, he finishes his mouthful "Queen Soraya, ruled here in the 20's or 30's I think. Had to go into exile 'cause of her views on Women's Lib"_

_Cook frowns "Thanks for that Mr Encyclopaedia" he laughs. "Now fuck off to your post you layabout"_

"_I was named after her" Smiles Soraya._

_Chris nods, gathers his kit together, jumps once on the spot to make sure nothing jangles or moves about, and pads silently into the growing dusk. Soraya looks down at Cook. "I can do my job, Captain"_

_He breathes in, "I'm sure you can, you wouldn't be here otherwise. You'll just slow us down, it's not your fault, you just will. Oh, and not out here, it's James or Cook, not Captain, OK?_

_Soraya nods, "OK, James". _

_The night was pleasantly cool, and Cook had been nodding off, suddenly his ear piece crackles into life, and Mark comes up on their frequency, "movement to my front, 10 maybe 15 unfriendly" at the same time Soraya rips the headphones from her head, "They know we're here" Cook is instantly awake, he holds the throat mike with a hand. "Chris, Mark, come back to RV, move" He looks about, checks the horizon, a couple of hours of darkness yet, they may just get away with this if they're lucky. There's no pretence of covert activity now as they hustle to get belt kit sorted, water and ammo take priority, Jameson gathers the big rucksacks together, rigs them ready to blow if they're tampered with. Soraya stands like a spare part. Mark hands her a canteen, "Drink". Cooks reaches down to his holster, hands her his pistol butt first "Can you use this?" She takes it, snaps the cocking mechanism back, flicks the safety off. Chris nods approvingly "That'll be yes then"._

_It takes them less than 5 minutes to get ready, finally Jameson puts a couple of kicks into the radio equipment, turns to face Cook. "Let's go" Cook faces Soraya, "can you run?"_

_Soraya thinks she may pass out if she doesn't stop running. They've going full tilt for over an hour now, and for the last 20 minutes she's had Jameson's hand on her shoulder pushing her along. She stumbles, tries to get up, her legs go from underneath her. Jameson calls out, "Cook, we need to stop"_

"_Fuck, OK, here'll do. Jameson get us a Helo ride, Mark, Chris, set up down there" he indicates back down the way they came, "Soraya, stay with Jameson, OK, like glue, OK?" knows they haven't put in enough distance, knows they're probably going to have to shoot their way out. He stands, breathing hard hands on hips, spits onto the dry ground, "Bollocks"_

**OooooO**

Katie lays on the horn again "Come on" she says aloud to herself, smiles as Effy finally appears at her door, she skips down a couple of steps, and climbs into the passenger seat, throwing her bag onto the back seat. Katie watches her for a minute, then: "What took you so long?"

"Had to get ready, didn't I?" Effy looks affronted

Katie takes in her friend's un-ironed tee shirt, lack of any discernable make up, hair going in every direction "Right, of course" shakes her head, "Come on, we'll be late"

They pull into the Friday evening rush hour traffic. Quickly end up in an endless traffic jam. Katie becomes aware of Eff looking at her. She risks a glance in her direction "What?"

"It's the weekend" says Effy, as if it's obvious.

"Err, right, so?" Katie thinks Effy might have finally flipped.

"You'd said you tell me" replies Effy.

Katie suddenly remembers "Right, later alright" she's nervous, "Since when were you so interested in my love life anyway?"

"Since you won't tell me who mystery man is." She sparks up a fag, opens the window "I will find out"

Katie Steals the fag, takes a drag, another bad habit she's picked up from Effy, "Not before I tell you, you won't. "

"He's married, isn't he?" Effy can't leave it alone.

"NO, leave it, alright?"

They're both quiet for a while, Effy knows she's pushed her luck, Katie knows she's still being too aggressive, when she finally speaks again, she's purposely calmer

"Panda says Naomi's coming this weekend, Royal visit from Mrs London Advertising..."

Effy rolls her eyes, "Oh great, Em's coming too, right?" She looks across at Katie "Ding Ding, round 2"

"Oh Christ, I fucking hope not, I don't think I could spend another weekend at Pandas listening to those two shouting at each other."

**OooooO**

Naomi lets Panda open the front door to let Emily in, She stands in the middle of the small lounge, arms wrapped around herself, turned away from the door. She breathes in once, lets it out slowly, closes her eyes and listens to them in the Kitchen;

"You'll never guess who's turned up Em...It's...COOKIE!" Panda still over excited

"Emilio man, looking good in leathers muff monkey"

"Fucking hell, look at you, are you wearing that for fancy dress, or did you steal it?" Emily laughs her throaty laugh.

"Nah, it's legit, proper respectable these days"

Naomi can hear them hugging, can hear Emily's leathers creaking.

"Fuck me Em; you do realise your fulfilling most male fantasies right now, don't you? Nights would have flown by with a picture or two of you"

"Eeeurghh, good job I've not eaten, keep your dirty fantasies to yourself you creep" Emily's laughing

Naomi decides it's got to be now or never, she walks to the kitchen doorway. Stands for a moment watching the small girl in her white leathers, feels her face heat up.

"Emily" she tries to keeps it flat, noncommittal.

Emily turns around, doesn't smile, "Naomi" pauses for a minute, shrugs "How are you?"

Naomi nods "Fine", her mouths dry, she squeaks it out. Swallows, and coughs, tries to cover up "Cool, good" She's aware of Cook, and Panda watching them both.

Emily nods, "That's...good" shrugs again.

Panda buts in as the two continue to stare at each other, "Cookie, you should have seen it; it was like World War flippin' Nine or sommat last time they were here. You two are going to be nice..."

It's unfinished as Emily finally registers what Panda talking about. She starts too harshly; "Panda, shut up" she says, not taking her eyes of Naomi, then more softly, "I'm sure we can behave like adults, right, Noams?"

Naomi knows the use of her nickname is a deliberate effort to wind her up. Something she realises she still can't deal with. Makes an excuse "I'm going to unpack" Turns and leaves before it gets out of control. Emily smiles as she watches Naomi walk away.

**OooooO**

Naomi is still sitting on a spare bed upstairs as she hears the doorbell ring again, and hears Katie and Effy come in, hears the loud exclamations, and welcomes for Cook, hears Cook's familiar short potted history, wonders again to herself what he's hiding from them still after all these years. The sounds of reunion drift up from the Kitchen, snatches of happy voices, laughter, all talking over each other, she hears cans opening, and a cork pulled from a bottle, crisp packets opened, the sounds of a group of friends catching up after too long apart, and she feels excluded. She lies on the bed, rummages around for her Marlboro lights, places an ashtray on her chest, lies back, and takes a long drag. "What you doing?" She asks herself.

She's still in a world of her own as she sort of hears a snatched "...take a shower" from downstairs, and as she hears feet running up the stairs, hurriedly stubs out her cigarette, trying ineffectually to waft the smoke away. From where she lies she has a view of the bathroom, and watches, breath held, as Emily walks past her, and into the bathroom. She hears the shower being turned on, and risks a look, to see Emily snaking out of her leathers. The door still slightly ajar, watches mouth open as Emily pulls off her racing backed vest, and shimmies out her knickers. The door is finally kicked closed, and Naomi's head falls back onto the pillow and she lets out a groan. Only then she notices Effy, half way up the stairs smiling at her:

"Pervert"

Is all she says.


	4. Chapter 4

_The dull thud on the horizon makes them all look up. There's a pall of greasy black smoke. "Rucksacks" says Cook to no-one in particular. Jameson goes back to working the hand held radio that transmits to all available aircraft in the area. His repetitive calling of their location and call-sign sounds like a Sunday afternoon baseball score being read out by a generic US radio station. Cook finds the voice almost comforting. _

"_What does that mean?" Soraya is both out of breath and scared_

"_It means, we've an hour or so if they're on foot, maybe 15 minutes if they're in vehicles. " Cook pauses, squints at the horizon for any tell tale signs. _

"_Do they ever travel on foot?" Soraya asks _

"_Not normally, no" he's distracted, his attention is... There, he sees what he's looking for, a cloud of dust. "Fuck, Jameson, get us a ride quick, man"_

_Mark comes up on their frequency, "Cook, can you see it?"_

"_Yep, how many?" Cook closes his eyes thinking through his options. Mark radios back._

"_At least two trucks, figure 10 in each" _

"_Right" Cook thinks fast "Mark, lay out the Claymores, Chris as they hit give them the good news with the Minimi, yeah?"_

"_Right, understood"_

_Despite the rapid advance in technology; infantry tactics remain resolutely simple. Find the high ground, and make sure you've got bigger and more guns than them. Cook looks about: flat as a pancake and he's out gunned. Looks over to a small village, shakes his head to himself, he'd be risking his own men, and possibly the lives of innocent civilians. It's going to be here, he thinks. Unless Jameson gets lucky. _

_The emergency beacon crackles into life "Foxtrot two zero, this is Preacher 59, you boys need a lift?"_

_Jameson grabs the small radio, "Affirm Preacher 59 we are 5, over_

"_Roger that, foxtrot two zero. We are Blackhawk, 5 no problem, ETA your position 20 minutes, over"_

"_Roger, we have inbound unfriendly, over"_

"_Roger Foxtrot two zero, we have fast movers ingress in 5 minutes, over"_

_Cook looks over to Jameson, shakes his head "No jets, too close to the village"_

_Jameson's eyebrow rise, "Cook, you're joking right"_

_Cook shakes his head again, "NO, that's an order" Just in case there might be some confusion._

_Before Jameson can reply there's a thud and flash, moments later the rip of concussion as a large charge detonates, Cook can hear the mechanical bursts of the machine gun. Mark and Chris. It's started._

_Mark and Chris sprint towards them, rounds are pinging and shrieking over-head, Soraya crouches next the bulk of Jameson, who rises every now and again to fire off another volley of rounds. Each time it makes her jump, and she puts her hands over her ears. She is certain she's going to die. She looks over to Cook who's also firing, covering the other two as they race in, they slide into the hollow scrape they've hidden in. They join in the firing, she's deafened by the Minimi, and hot rounds fall onto her burning holes in her fatigues, she tries to brush them off. _

_Suddenly they are engulfed in dust and flying debris, as a large dark helicopter lands just a couple of feet away, the door gunner firing just over their heads. Jameson shrieks at her, but she cannot hear, she knows what he wants though and runs towards the helicopter. The others follow. As she leaps to the deck and rolls over, she sees a man in a dirty turban take aim at Jameson, and she reacts instinctively, raises the pistol and fires. The man crumples to the dirt; Cook takes one look, nods and joins her on the floor of the helicopter. The pitch increases and the helicopter takes off, slowly at first then increasing in speed across the ground. Cooks crawls over to her and starts to feel all over her, her legs, her stomach, he roughly handles her breasts, everywhere, she's startled until she realises he's looking for wounds. She has none, she wants to shout. Starts to laugh instead. Cook is at first surprised, and then starts to join in, it's infectious. Soon the door gunner of Preacher 59 thinks his passengers have gone mad, as they all laugh hysterically at each other. _

**OooooO**

Emily luxuriates under the strong hot shower. Her own shower back at the shared flat she lives in, is at best temperamental, and at worst simply refuses to work. She looks around at Panda's selection of soapy gels and shampoos, all too flowery for her tastes, she chooses the least offensive, and gets to work. It's the simple things in life that give the most pleasure, she thinks. Closes her eyes as the shampoo rinses off her hair and face and rubs her hand across her face. She takes a breath and wonders aloud to herself what the fuck is wrong with her that makes her want to try to wind Naomi up all the fucking time. "Just fucking leave it, let it fucking go" She stands still, face upturned into the water until it starts to flow cooler, and she turns off the taps with a mixture of regret and guilt. She steps out, dries herself quickly, wraps herself into a towel, picks up her stuff, and walks out of the bathroom. Pauses at the door of the bedroom she thinks she saw Naomi in earlier puts down her leathers and knocks gently on the closed door, pushes it open. The room is empty. She sees Naomi's cigarettes, smells the familiar aroma: Marlboros, and her Zippo, smiles, picks it up and strikes it, watches the flame for a moment, and shuts it. Puts it back on the bedside table. She walks around the bed and sees Naomi's opened case, smiles again to herself as she recognises a tee shirt that she bought Naomi years ago. She holds it up, it's black with chemical symbol cross on it in orange, underneath is written the word 'IRRITANT'. She smiles at the memory of it, and without thinking brings it to her face, and breathes in.

"Black doesn't suit you"

Emily spins around, sees Naomi standing at the door, it's her turn to stumble with her words as she drops the tee shirt hurriedly "I was just...I didn't mean to...Fuck, Sorry." She hangs her head. She looks up, Naomi continues to look at her, and Emily takes in a breath.

"I'm sorry, earlier, downstairs, I didn't mean..." She hesitates, then "Can we start again? For Panda's Sakes, for the sake of this weekend, just try not to argue?"

Naomi nods mutely and almost whispers, "Yeah, that would be...good"

They stand for a moment, neither speaks, Emily starts to get cold, walks to the door, and Naomi moves aside, "I should get dressed" she leaves Naomi standing in the doorway.

"Yes, dressed is much safer" Naomi says aloud to herself. Wonders when Emily started using flowery smelling shampoos.

**OooooO**

They gather in the kitchen in drips and drabs, Emily first brushing out wet hair, Naomi next, stands as far away as he she can, she changed out of her work clothes, Cook joins them, out of uniform in a creased shirt and trousers Naomi thinks he's even thinner than she thought, he seems preoccupied. They stand making small talk, Katie joins them, there's a tension in the air that none of them can identify, none seem comfortable, they fidget, get in each other's way in the small kitchen. Finally Effy comes in, she's transformed, looks like she's ready for a night on the town, suddenly it dawns on all of them, the source of their discomfort, Panda Bounces in behind, as Effy looks at them all, and says

"Let's go and get fucking wasted then"

They nod and smile, that's it, they need to be pissed, and fucked up...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Thanks again for all the favourites, alerts, and stuff and the reviews, they are all at once, terrifying, and deeply appreciated. Sorry about all the Rambo/shooting stuff, but I had to set the scene and I have to admit it was fun to write. It's done now though; back to more interesting happenings ...Hope you're enjoying it**_. _

_They pass her accommodation on their way to the canteen. Jameson nudges Cook, nods in her direction, Soraya hasn't moved since they dropped her off on their way to a debrief. Cook hangs back_

"_I'll catch up in a bit fellas"_

_He walks in, sits next to her on her bunk. _

"_Hey, you OK?"_

_She shakes her head, begins to cry, Cook pulls her into him, and she shakes and sobs. She takes heaving breaths_

"_I killed some-one"_

"_Yes, you did"_

"_He dropped, like a puppet with its strings cut, they don't do that in films"_

"_No, they don't"_

_She wipes her eyes with the heels of her hands, sniffs loudly. Cook continues to hold her. "You probably saved Jameson's or my life."_

"_Really?"_

"_Really...Look, out here, normal rules don't apply, Ok? What you do here, now, and what you do in normal life...They're different, y'know?"_

"_I was scared"_

"_Me too, " he admits, she looks at him amazed, he continues, "You were scared, but at the same time, excited, right?"_

_She nods "Does that make me a bad person?"_

"_No, it makes you normal, it is exciting, it's fucked up, but it is." He shrugs. "Back in Bristol I was a screw up, a mess, shit worthless, I doubt I'm even missed. Out here, I'm so good at this stuff, I've been promoted twice. That's properly fucked up. " He continues "All of us are, Chris, Mark, even Jameson I'll bet, none of us have been back home in months and months, all of us have extended our tours." _

"_There's no-one back home for you?" She asks_

_Cook pauses, "Not anymore"_

**OooooO**

Katie watches him from the edge of the dancefoor, the music is loud enough here so that you can feel it as well as hear it, the alcohol is coursing through her bloodstream making everything at once slowed down, and slightly shifted in her mind. She thinks he's good looking, handsome, all the girls hanging about must think so. They used to piss her off; she doesn't even really notice them anymore. Thinks to herself briefly that she's going to find Effy and tell her, but then changes her mind, there's some-one else she needs to find first. Shouldn't be too hard, look for the trail of carnage, she won't be too far away.

Effy walks calmly from the toilets, wipes her nose, climbs the spiralling stairs looking for Cook, she sees him standing by the railing sipping a beer.

"You ok?" She approaches.

He nods "these places, all these people..." he leaves it unfinished.

"Jesus, you need to get either wasted or laid" She smiles.

"Who'd want to with a bloke like me?" Cook is on a downer, he feels old, second hand next to all these happy people.

"Cook, for fucks sake, people get laid all the time, and not just good looking blokes, some are actively, seriously ugly, in a claw-your-eyes-out sort of way, and sometimes they get laid by very good looking women indeed. " She smiles. "That's a hint by the way" walks away to the dance floor. Cook watches her go. Finishes his beer, follows.

Naomi sees her coming towards her, she looks around, and she has nowhere to go. Like a rabbit caught in headlights. She knows that look, Emily's eyes are heavily lidded, and a drunk and slightly wasted Emily is...

"I want to fuck you"

...A horny Emily

**OooooO**

_They walk into the mess together, and after they've got their food, Jameson Indicates for them to sit with him, he hugs her as she sits, she smiles shyly. The looks from some of the other ANA soldiers go un-noticed by any of them. _

_After their meal, it's late and dark; Cook and Soraya walk slowly back to the hut she calls home. They reach it all too soon._

"_Stay with me tonight" she doesn't look at him_

_He shakes his head, "I can't"_

"_Just tonight, I don't want to be alone, I want to feel...something else, anything else. Please"_

_How can he refuse? _

_Afterwards they lay on her narrow bunk; she practically has to lie on top of him, which does nothing for his state of mind. They talk, he finds it easy to open up to her, and he tells her of his friends back in Bristol. Tells her stories of birthdays, twister, and student elections. _

"_I'd like to meet Naomi, "Soraya interrupts "I think I'd like her"_

_He continues to open up, tells her more of himself than he's ever told anyone before. Tells her about Effy, and Freddie, doctors, and Prisons, She lays a hand on his chest, stills him, says finally. "James, this is no place to be running from your demons, there are too many here already."_

_He knows she's right._

**OooooO**

Katie finds Panda on the edge of the dance floor, she's throwing shapes, and it looks more like she's having a fit than dancing. There's a space around her, as other people have realised just how life threatening dancing anywhere near Panda can be. Taps her on the shoulder. Practically has to shout:

"I need to talk to you"

"What?" Panda doesn't stop dancing, points to her ears, shakes her head.

Katie tries again, louder "I need to talk to you about something important"

Panda shakes her head again.

Katie closes her eyes, and just as the last track of the night fades out manages to shout;

"I'M DATING THOMAS," realised the music has stopped, looks around at all the people looking at them, "I wanted you to know...first..."

Panda doesn't say anything, turns, walks away.

"Fucking hell" mutters Katie, "That went well"

**OooooO**

Emily stills Naomi's hand by holding her wrist gently, she rocks forwards on her hips onto it, and throws her head back, her mouth forming a soundless cry. Her head falls forwards again, Emily's eyes are squeezed shut, Naomi watches her as she shudders, once...twice, utters a guttural moaning:

"Ffffffffuck"

She falls forwards onto Naomi, her hair falling around them like a curtain, looks into her eyes, kisses her once, and rolls to one side, pulling Naomi onto her side, they lie facing each other, sweat drying, and making them shiver. Emily is literally seeing stars.

"Naomi..." She starts to say something, her voice husky. Naomi puts a finger to her lips.

"Don't please, don't say anything, just hold me, OK?"

Emily nods, they cuddle together, and Emily drifts away to sleep.

She finds him on the back step a little while later. He's smoking a cigarette, he moves slightly to one side, and she sits wordlessly, hands clenched in her lap, she lays her head on his shoulder. After a while she speaks. Or more accurately, whines

"I have no willpower, I'm pathetic."

Cook smiles down at her. "Some-one once told me she was pretty fucking good in the sack."

Naomi says nothing for a minute then "I'm not going to sit here and feed your lecherous fantasies, Cookie" Pauses, chuckles to herself, "but, yeah, she is pretty fucking amazing".

Cook laughs, and puts his arm around her.

She snuggles in closer, sighs, and finally admits "I'm still in love with her"

Cook raises his eyebrows, looks over to her, and says "that's...inconvenient"

Naomi nods, "Isn't it" she agrees.


	6. Chapter 6

_Cook rummages in the depths of the giant rucksack that contains everything he owns in the world. Mounds of kit and clothes are strewn around his small space until with a small cry of triumph; he finds what he's looking for. His old mobile. He can't remember the last time he used it. He thumbs the on/off switch hopefully, and of course it remains stubbornly silent. _

"_This place looks like a bomb's hit it" Soraya stands, hands on hips. "I came to say bye, what are you doing?"_

"_Looking for this," he shows her the old mobile "I suddenly felt the urge to try to get in contact with some old mates, " he walks over to her "tell them 'bout you"_

"_Really?" She sounds sceptical, "I thought you said you didn't really have friends back home?"_

"_Don't worry, your secret's safe," he shows her the phone, "No charge"_

_Soraya stand on tip toes, kisses his nose, "How long you out for?"_

"_5 days, " he wraps his arms around her "too long"_

"_It'll fly by," she smiles. "Do you want me to try to find a charger for that?"_

_He looks down at the phone, "No, don't worry, it doesn't matter."_

_Over the weeks they'd formed a sort of unspoken relationship, they both knew it was probably not going to last, that they were being foolish, but it was theirs for the time being, and they treasured it. Only the previous night together Cook had tried again to talk about a future together, and once again Soraya had silenced him. _

"_James, it doesn't work like that, you know it doesn't, I'm from here, and you're not from here. My family, your family, we're from different cultures, different parts of the world, it could never work. What we have is here, now. There's not a future for it. "_

_He holds her, knows she's right. _

"_You should definitely meet Naomi, " he holds her close "She's clever too."_

**OooooO**

Naomi wakes to the sound of a revving bike engine, and an empty bed. She sits up, and swings out of the bed, just in time to see Emily accelerate up the road. It's only then she becomes aware of the raised voices from downstairs. She grabs a tee shirt, heads for the kitchen intent on coffee. She finds Effy and Cook sitting at the small table, the voices of Katie and Panda can be heard from the lounge.

"What's going on then?"

Effy looks over, "Panda and Katie are 'discussing' Thomas," she hyphens the air "Emily said she'd be back later, needed to clear her head" She taps her cigarette, takes a sip of coffee.

"Right, "Naomi is suddenly slightly embarrassed, wonders how much Emily has told her

"Getting reacquainted last night, then?" Effy looks up at her, eyebrows raised.

Obviously Emily had told her enough, thinks Naomi, who's face suddenly flushes, she's lost for words.

"we...um...y'know...got ...um drunk...and well...stuff...happened "

Effy smiles, "Eloquently put. You shagged for old time's sake?"

Naomi nods, narrows her eyes at Cook, who's silently chuckling to himself in the corner.

"Don't look at me Naomikins, I didn't say a word" his arms are wide, all innocence.

"He didn't, " Effy agrees, "Emily wouldn't say either, I figured you're an easy target, I wasn't wrong"

Naomi rubs her temple, out manoeuvred by Effy, again. It was habit forming. "I need coffee"

Panda comes into the small kitchen, muttering to herself quietly, she takes a large loaf from the bread box, and starts to rummage around in a cupboard, finally emerging with an electric carving knife. She plugs it in, and as Cook backs away eyes wide, she starts to attack the bread. Hacking it into large wedges.

"Panda, should you be using a carving knife on bread like that?" Effy asks evenly.

Panda stops briefly, "Do you want sandwiches or not for today?" she waves the carving knife around

They all nod, it seems the safest option.

"Well then, we'll need slices of bread, won't we?"

"What's happening today?" Asks Cook.

"We're going on a picnic," replies Effy, "To go and see Freddie"

He nods, surprised. Before he can say anything, Katie comes into the small kitchen, Panda stiffens. Katie pauses for a moment, then. "I'm going to the supermarket for picnic stuff"

Naomi realises the atmosphere isn't going to get any lighter any time soon, and before she realises what she's letting herself in for, "Wait, I'll come, I need fags anyway."

They say nothing on the journey, Partly as Naomi has forgotten quite how fast Katie drives, and she's too scared to talk. At the supermarket they park, Katie locks the Car and Naomi finds a trolley, they wander across the half empty car park. It's still early.

"So..." Naomi breaks the silence "Thomas"

Katie sighs "Don't you start as well, Naomi"

Naomi holds her hands up, "Sorry"

They lapse into silence again, then suddenly "he's nice, you know?" Katie admits

"Nice?" Naomi smiles, "Katie, Coffee is nice, Ice cream is nice..."

Katie sighs again. "I meant, He's good, y'know, I think, "she pauses, "he might actually be the one." She scrunches her face in embarrassment. "Fuck, I can't believe I just said that" she shakes her head.

Naomi's head falls, "Don't worry, I know what you mean."

Katie stops in the aisle. "What exactly is going on with you and my sister, anyway?" She looks innocently at the shelves, "I heard you last night, I think the whole house did"

"Jesus " exclaims Naomi "Is there anyone who doesn't want to know about my love life?"

"You weren't exactly being subtle Naomi, " Katie laughs, does a more than passable impression of Emily. "Ffffuuuuucccck" She laughs harder.

"Fucks sake," Naomi pushes the trolley faster down the aisle, shaking her head, face glowing.

"Wait, Naomi," Katie is still laughing, "we need beer, wine, crisps... Come back"

**OooooO**

They meet them by the entrance to the cemetery. Lara is heavily pregnant, Albert running around her legs; they turn as they hear Thomas Shout a hello. Both Katie, and Panda Turn to look, Katie hears panda mutter something under her breath, and she pushes past her, and begins to walk into the cemetery. As Cook approaches, JJ at first cannot believe who he's looking at.

"Cook?"

"Jenkins, how you diddling?" he's all smiles, hugs JJ fiercely. "It's good to see you, man"

"Careful JJ, smiles Naomi, "You might have to salute him"

They're interrupted by the sound of Emily's bike. She pulls up to the kerb, and flips down the stand. Emily takes off her helmet. She looks over to Naomi. Walks over, and without stopping walks into the cemetery following Panda.

"We'll talk later; I came for this, not you"

Cook picks up the cool box. "Happy campers then..." Follows the others as they drift into the cemetery.

**OooooO**

_Cook is tried and filthy from the mission. He stands outside the briefing room sucking gratefully on a cigarette, waiting to be told he can go. He's anxious to see Soraya. It takes a further 2 hours before the de-brief is finally over, and he's allowed out. He walks over to her small accommodation block, and it becomes obvious to him straight away that something is wrong when he sees the Police aware tape and the door swinging on its hinges, he breaks into a run. As he reaches the small hut an MP blocks his path._

"_I'm sorry Sir, you can't go in" he holds an arm to bar Cooks way. _

"_What the fuck happened?" Cook can see the room has been overturned._

"_The alarm was raised a few days ago, the young woman is missing, did you know her, Sir?"_

_Jameson joins them "What's going on?"_

_Cook turns to face him "She's gone..." he doesn't know what to say, he looks around at the camp going about it's business as if nothing has happened. He holds his head, convinced he's in some mad Kafkaesque nightmare. _

"_She's fucking gone"_


	7. Chapter 7

_He walks to the window, looks out across the camp; he envies the people he sees, the people who are not thinking of the one thing that he cannot stop thinking about. He hears the small truck draw up outside the JTAC office behind the spaces where his small bunk is, and after a while he hears the voices, some raised some stilled and hushed. Suddenly for reasons he cannot fathom, he is chilled to his core. He tells himself he's being stupid. There is something like a scream from one of the women officers, cut off abruptly. He instinctively un-holsters his hand gun. He walks the short distance to the JTAC office, the small communications centre that controls their missions, where the walls are covered in maps, and manned 24 hours a day. Some officers are stood round a small white chair. Jameson turns and sees him, and puts out his large hands. He waves them at Cook to stop. _

**OooooO**

They stroll through the late morning sunshine, it's unseasonably warm, and Cook watches as Emily unzips her leathers, and shrugs off the top half, letting it fall around her narrow waist, she is wearing a vest underneath. He watches the others, and wonders about their lives, JJ and Lara walk hand in hand a short distance in front of him, and Cook smiles as he watches JJ stoop to say something to Albert who scampers off laughing and shrieking, Lara playfully slaps JJ's arm. They look happy. He sees Panda striding purposefully towards a corner plot, and alters his direction to follow, he looks around to check on the others, notices that Effy is only a few paces behind him. He waits for her.

As she catches up with him, she smiles shyly and reaches out for his hand. He takes it, and without saying anything they stroll hand in hand following Emily and Panda.

Behind them Naomi is walking with Katie and Thomas. She's envious of their obvious infatuation with each other, and for some reason slightly irritated by it. She watches Effy hold out her hand and Cook take it, they look like a regular couple out for a stroll in the countryside. Her eyes roll upwards, and she wonders if it's OK to smoke in Cemeteries.

Emily has almost caught up with Panda, and she calls out, "Panda, wait" she tries to jog over to her, but running in motorcycle boots is almost impossible. She finally catches her. "Panda, what's wrong? Wait"

Panda stops, turns and looks past Emily, indicates with a nod back to Thomas and Katie. "That" she simply says.

Emily looks her eyes wide. "Ohhh" she says to herself, then. "Panda, you haven't been going out with Tommo for years, what's up"

Panda Stops "He's my Ex" she says simply, "He's my fuck up, I want it to stay like that" She sounds petulant, like a child. She sighs, starts to move on.

"Don't they deserve a chance to be happy?" Emily asks her

Panda stops, it's as if it's something she's not considered before. Emily realises it suddenly as well. "Isn't that we all want? Just to be happy...for a bit?"

**OooooO**

"_Go back" his voice is odd, Cook thinks, strangled, thick, not like his normal voice._

"_What?" Cook is confused. "Jameson?" he asks._

"_No. Go back!" it's a command. The strange non-Jameson voice says _

_He pushes past, annoyed, he's grabbed from behind, Cook is cross, and embarrassed, other officers are watching. "Jameson" he shakes free, "Get off." He moves quickly into the small dark room before Jameson can grab him again. Still Jameson calls out:_

"_Go back"_

"_I want to see what's going on" Cook is angry, he walks on and into the group of Officers stood around the small white chair._

**OooooO**

They finally arrive at the small corner plot with the plain, clean headstone. It says simply his name and two dates. Impossibly, sadly close together. Dates that indicate not a life lived to the full, but rather a life robbed, taken. It is, thinks Panda, every time she sees it, the saddest thing in the world. Emily joins her, notices the look on Panda's face, holds her hand gently.

"Hey, remember the rules, c'mon." Shakes her hand, smiles encouragingly at her.

"Rules? What rules?" Cook is moments behind them. He's still holding Effy's hand, if truth were told; he's been reluctant to get it go. It's the first time he's been here, seeing the grave makes him uneasy. He takes in a long breath.

"It's OK," Effy smiles at him. "It's just Freddie"

Cook smiles doubtfully. He forces joviality back to his mind "What's these rules then?" he asks Effy

"They're Panda's, not mine." She lets go of his hand moves over to where Panda and Emily are laying out the blanket, and taking food from the cool box, as the others finally join them. Naomi is smoking.

"For your benefit Cook," Panda begins "No arguing, we come here together, leave together. Ok?"

Cook nods, "Sounds good, what's for lunch? I'm starving"

"Same old Cook," Katie smiles.

They sit, and in the spring sunshine, enjoy their picnic. Small talk, and reminisces soon compete with each other loudly, and wine and beer flows. Older attendees of the cemetery look over disapprovingly as their voices are raised and they laugh with and at each other, playful bundles are fought and lost. And an Impromptu round of headstands is called for, and marks given for style and athleticism, Emily and Naomi cast careful and sometimes shy glances at each other, Katie plays with Tommo's hair as he lays laughing, head in her lap. Panda squeals, as Albert shows her where on his mummy's tummy you can feel the baby kick. Effy looks over them all, and feels, not for the first time, that she's lucky to know them. She stands suddenly.

"C'mon, " she announces "It's time, best and worst, I'll start"

Cook is surprised, lying contentedly, head resting on Naomi's legs, he rolls over, sits up.

Effy clears her throat "He was," she turns to Cook, smiles, her eyes asking forgiveness "Sorry," she says simply, quietly then continues "the love of my life." She pauses, shakes her head "Worst smelling feet in the world."

Naomi jumps to her feet more than a little unsteadily "He rolled a mean joint" she stands for moment thinking. "Worst time keeping...EVER, never really on Freddie to turn up"

The others are laughing. Emily, sitting next to Naomi, begins to cry, she makes no attempt to stop the tears, as she stands and says "He didn't care what I am, when I came out to him, he just shrugged" she smiles at the memory, then nods at Effy "Gotta say, Freddie, should have taken a shower, occasionally" She sits, wipes her eyes, doesn't pull away as she feels Naomi reach out and hold her hand. Instead squeezes it tightly.

Panda Stands, "He was sooo good looking" She pauses, as they all stare at her. Various cat calls are made in her direction "He was!" she's laughing "Terrible jokes though"

As others stand, and reminisce, Katie surprises them all with "Terrible in bed" shakes her head, laughs.

Emily is shocked. "Katie, you can't says that"

Katie doesn't back down. Wiggles her little finger "too many drugs" she laughs, "Right? Eff"

Effy nods, "he was Mr. Floppy sometimes..." There is pandemonium as they all start to laugh

Cook is laughing, he thinks of his friend, of all the happy times, then the other things spring into his mind, he tries to push them away but they are strong and suddenly he cannot stop the tears, as emotions and memories from another place and time ambush him...

**OooooO**

_It is very small, and so delicate that an adult might break it if they sat on it. It is small and white, and as Cook takes a couple of steps forward the group of officers moves aside, and suddenly Cook's world is moving around him, the small room, the camp, Jameson, all disappear into darkness, as Cook realises the chair is made from the bones of Soraya._

_Leg bones form the chair legs, more bones, arms this time form the delicate arms of the chair, ribs form the back, and above them the pelvis has been used as a head rest. They've tanned her dark skin, and made a little cushion of it, Cook can see it stretched over the seat, and see where, in one corner, there is the start of some dark hair. _

_There is sudden light as Cook finds himself in the open. He has no idea how he stumbled out here; he tastes blood and food in his mouth as he vomits again and again into the dirt. He intends to rub his eyes, finds the hand gun still in his grasp. He raises it hard against his temple. He is heaving and shuddering, and he thinks he may never stop. There is only so much a man can take, he thinks. Then he realises this is what they want, when he realises that if they can do this to a girl, they will do anything, use anything as a weapon, and nothing he's doing out here will ultimately make any difference. He hears Jameson talking, although he doesn't hear what he says, he feels the gun taken from him. Finally, he begins to cry. _

**OooooO**

He doesn't know whether he's crying for himself, or Soraya, or Freddie. He is crowded by his friends as they comfort him, and Effy holds him tightly as eventually his crying subsides. He knows he's surrounded by love, and finally he understands, and knows that he no longer has to run.

He tells them. Tells them everything.


	8. Chapter 8

She looks out of the kitchen window. Sees him sitting on the back step, smoking. She opens the door, waits for a moment while he moves slightly to one side, and sits quietly next to him. Without looking at her, or saying anything, he hands her the half smoked cigarette, and she takes a long drag. Naomi squints through the cloud of smoking as she exhales, hands it back and finally says:

"We really should stop meeting like this, people will talk"

His shoulders move once as he exhales a small laugh. He says nothing, stares at the middle distance. She reaches over and takes his hand, he doesn't resist. They sit a while longer.

"I don't know what to say to you" she finally admits

He doesn't look at her; "You don't have to say anything, it's OK" squeezes her hand gently

"Cook, it's far from OK, why didn't you say something, tell me before?"

He smiles "Oh right, that would have been cool "he looks her in the eyes, continues "Oh, Hi Naomi, long time no see, did I tell you about a girl I fell in love with? No? She was made into a chair..." he looks away, "that would have gone down well"

She flinches, takes a sharp breath.

He casts a glance in her direction, "Sorry" he mumbles.

"It's so horrific" she shudders at the thought of it "How are you...coping?"

"I was coping by not thinking too much about it," he laughs ironically "Not working out as well as I'd hoped, to be honest" he breathes out the last of the cigarette smoke, stubs out the butt on the step, Naomi notices the small pile forming there. He takes a long breath in, shakes his head "War stories"

"Sorry?" Naomi says

"War stories," Cook says louder, "always promised myself I wouldn't be one of those sad sacks telling war stories down the pub" He smiles weakly.

"Oh Cook, "she wraps a protective arm around him, "What are we going to do with you?"

He half smiles, "Naomi," he begins gingerly "Some advice?"

"Go on." She says simply

"If she...If Soraya, "he pauses for a long moment, as if mentioning her name causes him physical pain "If she taught me anything, it was just, you know? Don't let stuff get in the way of being in love, OK? You, her. Work it out, Yeah?

"Ohhh Kaaay, " Naomi makes a face, looks suddenly ashamed as Cook looks at her seriously "OK...I'll talk to her."

He nods, satisfied.

**OooooO**

"...But I don't know what to say to him" Effy bites a nail unconsciously, looks out the window.

"You don't have to say anything Eff", Naomi rubs the bridge of her nose, "Just...just be with him for a bit, yeah?"

Effy stands, thinks for a moment, nods, turns and opens the door, sits next to Cook, puts an arm around him. Naomi can hear them start to talk quietly.

"How is he?" Emily is standing in the doorway

Naomi turns, smiles sadly "he'll be Ok, I think," she shrugs, "I dunno... Effy's with him."

Emily nods, says nothing, crosses her arms, uncrosses them, looks away, then back at Naomi. "Last night..."she begins.

"About last..." Naomi speaks at the same time. They smile at each other.

"I was drunk, " begins Emily "I shouldn't have..." she stops as she sees the look on Naomi's face. "What?"

Naomi takes a breath, now or never, she thinks "Emily," She looks at her hands, "can we talk?"

"Sure, I s'ppose"

"Let's go for a walk, I need to get out of here"

They walk slowly down the leafy avenue away from Panda's place. It's a nice evening, and they walk in silence, falling easily into pace with each other, Naomi resists the urge to reach for Emily's hand, instead reaches into her pocket for her fags, offers one to Emily, who shakes her head and looks at Naomi. She sighs, and without saying anything, puts the fags back in her jeans. As they walk, they wander slowly down unfamiliar lanes, the houses become sparser, until finally they notice they are in the space where the countryside and the edge of town meet in uneasy truce. Emily looks around. "This looks sort of familiar"

Naomi hasn't been paying attention "Really?" she looks around, "you sure?"

Emily grows more confident, she smiles, "I never knew she lived here..." It goes unfinished as she sets off more quickly, more determinedly, she shouts over her shoulder "C'mon" she breaks into a jog.

"Emily, wait, "Naomi runs after her downhill and round a small corner, and there she sees where Emily is standing, Naomi is bought up short "oh".

"Fancy a swim?" Emily is standing in front of the large green pond, its surface covered in green weeds, and floating debris. Ducks flap and quack.

Naomi smiles at her, "I'm not falling for that twice."

They look about, a couple stroll past, and they can hear children laughing from the other side. "Popular" says Naomi, she stands next to Emily at the side of the pond, Emily scuffs stones into the water with her toes, and they both watch the ripples slowly spread.

"You wanted to talk" Emily says finally, still looking at the water.

"About us..." begins Naomi

Emily looks up, and interrupts "There isn't an 'us', Naomi. Remember? You made that clear when you asked me to leave you alone." She holds Naomi's arm up turns it over to reveal the tattoo; "Enough, Remember?" there's bitterness in her voice. She drops Naomi's arm, and walks a short distance away.

Naomi suddenly realises that this isn't going to be easy, that perhaps just declaring her continued love for the small woman standing some distance away wasn't actually going to be enough. It was all very well for Cook to tell her to mend this relationship, but that needs two people she thinks, and perhaps one of them doesn't actually want to repair it. She sighs, opens the packet of Marlboros, and lights one. Gratefully breathes in a lungful. She walks over to Emily, stands a small distance behind her. "But, last night, we..."

Emily spins around "We were drunk, we had sex, let's be honest Naomi, that part of our relationship has never been difficult, right? Perhaps that's all we ever had"

"You don't mean that" her voice breaks slightly and Naomi resists the almost overwhelming urge to cry. Only Emily can hurt her like this, she thinks, only she knows her weaknesses. She takes another lungful, "So last night? Just a random shag? I just happen to be the most convenient person in that club, the idiot you knew wouldn't turn you down?"

Emily's head falls, she turns away, Naomi can see her rub her face, she's quiet when she finally answers "No, I didn't mean...Sorry."

An uneasy silence falls between them.

Naomi finishes her cigarette, she starts slowly when she finally says "Seeing you this weekend, after all this time, being with you, and yes, making love to you again..."

Emily turns and looks at her, there are tears falling down her face, her bottom lips quivers as she tries unsuccessfully to hold them back.

Naomi continues, "...Made me realise"

"What?"

Naomi looks at her feet briefly before continuing. "That I'm still in love with you."

Emily sighs, says nothing, and the silence stenches between them. Finally she looks up, a small satisfied smile creeps across her face. "Hurts, doesn't it?" she finally says.

"What?" Naomi is confused.

"When you love some-one and they reject you, it hurts"

"Emily, please" Naomi reaches out for her hands, but Emily is already moving away from her.

"No, " Emily is shaking her head, "You don't get to do that, you don't get to say that to me, and expect everything to be OK," she pauses, people start to look at them as Emily raises her voice, and counts on her fingers "Bitter, petty, jealous, those were some of my 'better' qualities I seem to recall you saying last time we had this conversation, this argument, when I begged you not to throw what we had away. " Emily pauses, shakes her head, she begins to walk away

"Emily" Naomi calls after her

"No, I'm not listening to this" Emily doesn't look over her shoulder, walks away into the darkening evening. Leaving Naomi stood alone at the edge of a pond on the outskirts of a city she doesn't belong in anymore.

**OooooO**

"Where are you going?"

Naomi doesn't look up from packing her small case, answers "Home, I shouldn't have come here"

Cook walks into the room, "Did you talk to her"

Naomi simply nods.

"Did you tell her how you feel?"

Naomi stops for a moment, "Oh yes, I made a real fucking idiot of myself, I told her, like you said, she more or less told me to fuck off. Last time I take advice from you, Cook" She finishes her packing, looks at him, her face softens, "Stay in touch, OK" They hug briefly.

Naomi manages not to cry while she waits for a taxi, and she keeps it together all the way to the train station, and stares blankly out of the window on the journey home. It's not until she reaches the small flat that they used to call theirs, that she finally breaks, and the tears flow. They don't seem to stop no matter how hard she tries.


	9. Chapter 9

_The slightly overweight psychiatrist has dark marks under her arms as she shuffles cards, and a clip board on the desk in front of Cook, he's bored, slouched back on a chair. The evaluation has been going on all day; this interview is the last of it. The doctor fumbles with the cards, and Cook rolls his eyes. _

"_D'you mind if I smoke?" he's going to regardless of what she says._

"_It won't affect the test, Captain." She answers. "Are you familiar with Rorschach cards? _

_Cook nods, he's seen the dark patterns before. _

_She turns the first card over."Tell me what you see" Cook thinks it looks like the burst of the flares they use to guide helicopters into locations at night. Ha takes a pull on his cigarette. _

"_A vagina"_

"_I see," the doctor replies, makes a note. "And this one?"_

_Cook looks at the card, it looks like a corpse._

"_A vagina" he nods._

"_Right, "no emotion from the Doctor, she turns over the next card._

_Cook looks at it, he sees a dog's skull, but it's been cleaved into two separate halves, probably with an axe, he thinks. _

"_Ah, now, this..." he picks the card up, looks more closely "This.., this is a pussy" He smiles. _

_Jameson is waiting for him outside. Cook squints in the harsh sunlight, fires up another cigarette, starts to walk away. _

"_Everything OK?" Jameson jumps up from the bench he's been waiting on._

"_Yep, no problem, sane as the next man" Cook walks on_

"_Back on Ops then?" Jameson seems pleased_

"_Going to take some time off first," says Cook, "Get out of this place"_

_Jameson shakes his head, "Man, where are you going to go? You belong here." He stops walking._

"_Going home, gonna catch up with some mates" Cook carries on walking, doesn't look round when Jameson shouts after him;_

"_You can't go back, man, you don't belong there anymore, you're a fucking steely eyed killer, man. You'll be back" _

_Cook carries on walking, gives him the finger._

**OooooO**

She pulls into the car park slowly, does a lap of the empty spaces, and sees a spot by a low wall, beyond is a sandy beach, and rolling small waves. She turns off the engine, and stops. Run out of road. She takes off her helmet, puts the stand down but stays on the bike, feet on the pegs. It's on the tilt because of the side stand, but it's OK. It's at this point she wishes she was slightly taller, it's a small bike, but Rob's had to replace even the meagre seat that was there with a mouse mat cut to size, so she could put her feet down at junctions. It's un-comfy on her bum, but she's too distracted to notice. She hears the bike cool down around her, the brakes contracting make a tinkling noise, the engine gurgles and pings, metals cooling, water circulating, oil pooling at the bottom of the engine. She bounced it off the rev limiter a couple of times coming here. Rob's going to be cross she thinks. Fuck it, it was worth it. She leans forward onto the tank, rests her chin on her hands, feels the bike, warm between her legs. Closes her eyes. Listens to the sounds of the sea, the waves, and the gulls. Feels the breeze on her face, and as it blows her hair around, she takes in a lungful of English seaside. She tries to still her racing mind, thoughts flying around; she steadies her breathing, tries to make sense of the things she's feeling

Her mobile vibrates, distracting her, she opens her eyes and reaches into her leathers, takes it out, looks at the screen, her sister. She thumbs the reject button, and it's silenced. She resumes her position.

The mobile chirps again with a text message. Emily sighs, opens it up "I'll call again in a min. Answer this time" from Katie. Emily sighs, places the mobile where she can see it, and waits for the call.

"Where are you?"

Emily looks around "Dunno, at the coast somewhere"

"I heard you scream off on that bike, what's going on?"

Emily waits for a moment before answering "Naomi"

Katie sighs audibly, "Should've known, really...so?"

Emily idly picks at the scuffing on her knee slider, thinks she ought to buy some new ones "We talked"

Katie is exasperated "Fucking hell, Em, just tell me what happened, we'll be here all night at this rate"

Emily continues to pick at the slider, "She told me she still loves me. That's pretty much it really"

"Right" Katie pauses, "That's good, right?"

"Is it?" Emily answers

"Isn't that what you want?" Katie's tone is gentler.

"I dunno...yes...no, oh fucking hell, I dunno"

"Why not Em?" Katie sounds confused

"I dunno if I can do all this again, her, relationships" Emily sounds resigned.

"So, let me get this straight, the love of your life," Katie emphasises it for effect "tells you she still loves you after all the shit you went through, and now you can't decide if it's worth it." Katie pauses. "Does that pretty much sum things up?"

"Katie, it's complicated"

"No, Emily, it really isn't" Katie's becoming crosser "She said sorry, said she loves you. Forgive her, move on"

"Forgive her? What are you talking about, Katie?"

"Whatever she did to fuck it up"

"Katie, it wasn't her," Emily pauses, as tears form at the corners of her eyes, "It was me. I fucked it up, I killed it, Naomi did nothing wrong, It's me that sucks at relationships, OK"

"Oh...right" Katie is silent.

"Yeah, what a shitter, huh?" Emily tries to make fun of it. "We had one argument, what was it she said? Oh yeah, I remember 'A personality made up entirely of characters flaws.' That cut...a bit. "

"Ouch" Katie replies.

"It was hard, Katie. Naomi got a job, well paid. Cool, you know? I couldn't. She paid for everything, I couldn't deal with it, "she pauses, "She bought me this bike"

"Emily" Katie doesn't know what to say.

"It got worse, I got jealous of her going out with work, and I felt stupid, redundant, like she didn't need me anymore. I did some...stupid things, embarrassing things, I got drunk...made a tit of myself"

"Oh Emily, I didn't know"

"No, she didn't say anything to any-one, you all assumed it was her, she didn't say a thing, while I did my best to fuck it up, until it was too late, and I'd pushed her away. " Emily can feel the hot tears falling down her face, as she continues, takes in a ragged breath "I begged her, Katie , I begged her to forgive me, but I'd hurt her so much" Emily sniffs, wipes her eyes "And after all that she still loves me, and I couldn't fucking deal with it, and I fucked it up again. She's crying now, she starts to sob, feeling sorrier for herself than she's ever done, "Katie, I don't know what to do"

"Emily, Come home, Ok? It'll be Ok, just come home." Katie fights to remain calm. There's a pause, and the smallest voice says,"OK", almost whispers, and the line goes dead.

Albert Finney closes the shutter on his ice cream store, he's done quite well today what with the weather being so nice, he doesn't normally open this early in the year, but he's glad he did today. As he locks the shutter into the ground, he hears her, and looks over. Albert's seen many things in that car park over the years; Mods and Rockers fighting, raves, Kids stealing cars, but he's never in all his years seen a girl on a motorcycle crying her eyes out, he can see from across the quite car park, her head in her hands, shoulders heaving up and down, and can hear her cries. And he wonders to himself what on earth could cause her to be so upset.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N sorry not updated for a couple of days, this has been sitting on a stick half written, whilst, y'know? The world got in the way a bit. Thanks once again for all the lovely words of encouragement, they make it all worthwhile. **

**Enjoy.**

She slowly becomes aware that the pounding on the door is matching beat for beat the pounding in her head; it takes only a couple more seconds for her to figure it out...Some-one at the door, probably wants to come in. She opens her eyes. Bad mistake. Quickly closes them again. She groans, throws an arm over her head, and rolls over. She's forgotten that she fell asleep on the sofa, and emits a high pitched squeal as she lands in a crumpled heap on the floor. It takes her a few moments to compose herself, fights the almost overwhelming urge to throw up, and rocks upwards onto her knees, from there a hand to the sofa, and she's up onto her feet. She takes a few more deep breaths and squinting with barely open gummy eyes, walks unsteadily to the front door of her flat. The pounding on the door doesn't stop.

"Alright, alright, keep your fucking knickers on" She mutters to herself as she falls against the wall in the hall, staggers, falls against it again, and waits for a moment before carrying on. Waiting for the world to stop moving like a boat on a rough sea.

The pounding on the door stops, as she undoes the latch, and opens the door inwards. Cook smiles at her briefly and then makes a face as he takes in the monument to personal self destruction that greets him. She wears hair by sofa, M&S vest with baked bean juice stain detailing, and vodka spillage overtones, Pyjama trousers that once were flannel, but are now so old they are pretty much just see-through. She stands for a moment looking disappointed before turning away. She staggers back into her lounge, rebounds off the hallway only once and considers this a personal victory. Cook watches her go, watches as half way down the hall she bounces off a wall, laughs as she scratches her arse.

"Fuckin Hell, Naomikins, what the fuck happened to you? "

She doesn't answer. She wobbles back into her small lounge, and starts to rummage around on the small coffee table for the remains of the last of the vodka she knows is there, and with a small cry, finds it, swills it around, to gauge the quantity left, and drinking from the bottle downs it in three large gulps.

"I'm maintaining, "Naomi starts very slowly, as if explaining to a child, "A state of either drunken oblivion, or uncoc...uncon... unconsciousness. " She has to concentrate very hard with the last word, and it takes her a couple of attempts. She smiles when she finally manages it.

Cook has followed her into her lounge and looks around, nodding his head appreciatively at the site in front of him. There are, by his count, three empty bottles of vodka, two each of Jim Beam, and a half empty cooking sherry. His eyes fall upon the half empty cartons of Chinese and Indian takeaway, three half finished pizza boxes, and two cans on Heinz beans, one spilled onto the carpet with a fork still in it. There is, he notices something unidentifiable by the TV which may or may not be a dried puddle of sick. Cook whistles.

"How long have you been on this bender?"

Naomi stops hunting for her cigarettes for a moment. "This?" She raises an eyebrow "This isn't a bender, this is just night time" She finds a bent fag, "Have you got a light?" She stumbles over to him. Cook winces as he gets a lungful of Naomi's breath, and BO. He hands her a lighter, and then takes it back, and has to light the fag himself, as she can't manage it. Finally lit, she takes a hit. Says flatly; "Cheers, Cook, my main man, and gentleman groover". She collapses back onto the sofa, and reaches for her laptop. Without prompting, she explains, as she points at the screen. "This site is what the internet is all about, not only do they have knocked down prices, they will actually bring it to your door, everything the aspiring and well heeled alcoholic agoraphobic could ever wish for."

Cook Nods, "Don't you think you've had enough?"

She looks up at him. "Are you real or am I dreaming you?

"I'm pretty sure I'm real." He smiles at her.

"Then I'm pretty sure I haven't had enough."

Cook rubs his face, takes in a deep breath, when Effy had told him she was worried after not being able to get through to Naomi on her mobile he'd volunteered to look in on her, as he'd had to come to London anyway. A week after watching her leave in a taxi at Pandas house, this wasn't what he'd expected to find.

"Is all this because of her?" he asks

Naomi looks up from her computer. Considers this for a moment, and shakes her head. "My lottery numbers didn't come up. I was gutted."

Cook sighs. "Right then, come on, you need to sober up" he walks to the kitchen starts to rummage around in the sink for a glass, fills it with water, and starts to pour in salt. He walks back into the lounge a few moments later

"Here, drink this" he hands her the glass

Naomi sniffs at the water, "What is it?"

"Just water, come on, down in one"

Naomi shrugs, takes down the liquid in on go, burps. Makes a face as she notices the salt. Realises what he's trying to do. "Ha," she laughs "salty water won't make me throw up, y'know"

Cook doesn't move as he says, "Oh, I know, the salt is just there to disguise the washing up liquid I put in it. Now that _will_ make you heave."

Before Naomi can answer, she feels the effects of the foul concoction hit her stomach. She barely makes it to the bathroom. In between heaves she looks over at him through squinting eyes, says sarcastically "I've never liked you, you know that, right?"

He starts the shower, he purposefully runs it cold. Before she can argue, he starts to take off her clothes.

"Cook, what the fuck", she tries to cover herself.

"Don't worry Naomikins, right now I wouldn't, even with a stunt cock." He picks her up, throws her into the bath. She takes in a shuddering breath

"Jesus, that's fucking freezing, fucking let me out of here you bastard."

Cook easily holds her in the bath. "Nope, stay there" Cook doesn't have to hold her down for long, as she finally slumps to the side, and begins to cry. "Leave me alone, please, just go" Cook pulls her over to him, and holds her. His arms and chest soaking through in minutes.

"It's Ok" he says as he rocks the gently sobbing woman in his arms.

**OooooO**

"I put her to bed, and cleaned up a bit" he's on the phone, in the kitchen making coffee; "How long before you're here?" he pauses. "Right." He hangs up. Cook finishes the coffee, brings it into the bedroom, puts it on the bed side table, and gently rocks the sleeping Naomi awake. She groans, and rolls over.

"C'mon, " he urges, "Sit up"

She does as she's told, and he hands her the luke warm drink. She looks at him suspiciously. He laughs "It's just coffee, promise"

She takes a small sip, nods, "That was a fucking mean trick" she mutters

"Works though, right?"

She nods, "How long have I been sleeping? I feel fucking wasted. "

Cook looks at his watch "Fifteen hours." He pauses, "d'you remember the fight? " he rolls up his sleeve, shows her the nail marks she left there.

"Fucking hell, " her eyes go wide, "Cook, I'm sorry, I don't..." she looks down ashamed "I was pretty out of it, right?"

He nods "You were" he smiles mischievously "Although I enjoyed the three way gang bang"

Naomi's eyes go even wider, as her head jerks up, and she almost spills her coffee. Cook can't stop himself, and he bursts into laughter. She realises she's been had, shakes her head, "Fuck off, Cook, you fuck" She smiles. They say nothing for a while, finally the call of nature is too much to resist, and Naomi, moves to get up, before realising she's naked.

"Did you see? I mean, was a naked when...I did that, on your arm." The flush of embarrassment grows as she sees Cook nod.

"Yup, naked wrestling with Naomi over a half drunk bottle of cooking sherry, is one memory I'll treasure" Cook laughs again as Naomi slinks back under the covers muttering "Go, just go..."

She sits on the sofa next to Cook wrapped in her dressing gown, looks around at the now tidy room. She fiddles with her fingers for a bit, before muttering. "Thanks.., sorry" under her breath at him. Cook pulls her into him, and wraps an arm around her. "S'ok". Kisses her on the forehead, "Tell me next time, I'll come and join you." She only half smiles

Cook takes in a long breath through his nose, and holds Naomi close, "Listen, he begins, I've a favour to ask you"

"Yep, anything, ask away" Naomi yawns is still feeling sleepy, snuggles under his arm.

"Will you be my next of kin?" he asks quickly, then adds, "It just a signature on a form, it doesn't mean we have to..." he leaves it unfinished.

"What about your Mum?" Naomi asks, "Your Dad?"

Cook breaths out heavily, "Haven't spoken to her since I joined, dunno where me Dad is, he's a fucking arsehole anyway," he pauses, "You're like a sister Naomi, you're the closet I've got to family, you know?"

She sniffs, wipes her eyes, "Yep, I'd love to be, Cook, " she pauses for a moment, before asking "why d'you need a next of kin..." her words drain away as she realises what he intends. She sits bolt upright, suddenly cross with him "You have to be fucking joking?"

He looks away, cannot face her

"You're going back out there, aren't you?" she accuses.

He nods, still saying nothing. He swallows, "Naomi, I have to, I've got no choice."

"Of course you have a fucking choice, Cook you've done enough."

He sighs at her, "Naomi, I'm good for nothing else, this is all I can do, you understand? There's nothing here for me anymore."

They sit looking at each other. Slowly Naomi leans in, and ever so gently places a kiss on his lips. "Just make sure you'll come back, Ok?"

He smiles at her."Don't worry, bulletproof me".

**OooooO**

She thinks she must have fallen asleep, as she's woken by low murmuring voices, and she hears the door slam closed. She breaths in heavily, and stretches along the sofa, feeling more rested. She hears the footsteps approaching the back of the sofa, and calls out "Cook, make us a coffee" There's no answer and she sits up, "Fine I'll make them then..." she stops in mid sentence can't quite believe her eyes

"I'll have mine black." Smiles Emily.


	11. Chapter 11

Naomi's mouth opens, she works it, but no words seem to want to come out. She closes it again.

"I'll make coffee then shall I?" Emily cocks her head to one side.

Naomi points to the kitchen, eyes still wide.

"Yes, I know where the kitchen is Naomi; I did used to live here, remember?" She waltzes past Naomi, heads for the small kitchen. Naomi's head whips round as she watches Emily saunter past. Did she just wiggle her hips..? Naomi becomes aware all of a sudden that she's wearing just a bathrobe...She finds her voice finally.

"I should get changed" She stands, hesitates for a moment, nods to herself, and heads for her bedroom. Calls out over her shoulder "You know where everything is, right?"

"Yep, " no problem" Emily hears the bedroom door close, lets out an explosive breath, just being in this flat again makes her heart beat faster, She steadies herself against the counter top, concentrates on taking a couple of breaths. "Coffee, right". She says to herself. Reaches up automatically to where they used to put cups, they're still there. She reaches over hand falling onto the kettle, fills it from the tap, which she still has to twist hard to make it stop dripping. She smiles to herself. Emily looks around the small kitchen, notices the small things that haven't changed at all, there's still a piece of wallpaper peeling off from the wall behind the fridge, still a money plant on the windowsill. Still 3 mismatched chairs tucked under the small table. She walks to the fridge, goes to open it, takes in a breath as she sees the small note still attached to fridge. It simply says "Milk x" she remembers writing it on the morning they finally bust up, on the day that Naomi asked her, no, told her to leave, and never to come back. Everything has remained the same. It's as if she's never been away. The kettle finishes boiling, she pours the water into the cups, black for her, half water half milk for Naomi, and she carries them into the small lounge, calls out to the still closed door

"Like what you've done to the place"

Inside the bedroom Naomi is pacing frantically backwards and forwards across the small space at the end of her bed. "Fuck, fuck fuck fuck". She idly takes off the bathrobe, she not really thinking as she pulls on the nearest thing, a baggy white shirt, she pulls on some loose linen trousers. She steadies herself "Calm..." and puts a hand on the door knob. It rests there for a moment, takes it off again. "Fuck fuck fuck FUCK" she closes her eyes, takes a breath, opens the door, smiles. "What was that?"

"I said I like..." the sentence goes unfinished as Emily sees Naomi coming out of the bedroom, she watches as Naomi ties back her hair, arms raised, she can see every detail underneath the almost transparent shirt, she gulps, makes a conscious effort to stop staring, and looks Naomi in the eye rather than the...

"I said I like what you've done to the place, all the changes you've made, really stamped your personality on the place" she says ironically. Naomi says nothings, smiles, nods in agreement. As she looks around Emily can see all the things that haven't changed, there on the wall she can see the blobs of paint from tester cans she tried out one bored Saturday afternoon. The same pictures on the walls.

"Yeah well, I don't seem ever to have the time, y'know. Work keeps me fairly busy."

"Yeah, you always did work too much." Interrupts Emily, she's wandering around the small flat looking intently at all the stuff that used to be some routine, so familiar, so mundane. It all seems to have specially meaning now; she picks up small mementos, and studies pictures. Anything to not look at Naomi's chest.

Naomi watches her walk around the flat. "Some-one had to earn some money"

Emily looks up sharply, looks Naomi in the eyes, a pained expression on her face. Naomi regrets the snide comment she closes her eyes briefly, "Sorry, that's in the past"

Emily nods, and then gives a cry of surprise as she sees a jacket hanging on the back of the door that she thought she's lost. "Wondered where that had gone." Her heart sinks a bit as she sees a small cardboard box with her name on it sitting by the door. She looks over to Naomi, who says nothing, face set, unreadable, and wanders over to it to look in. It has some knick knacks; some old CD's and a few bits of jewellery. She looks up as Naomi finally says

"I put stuff in there...take it out again. "

Emily nods, says nothing. The silence engulfs them as they both seem lost for words. Finally Naomi breaks the silence, shrugs:

"What do you want?"

Emily says nothing for a moment, "Cook asked me come, he said you were pretty messed up."

Naomi bristles. "Well, I'm fine, she raises her arm gestures to the door, "Thanks for concern, bit sidetracked, fine now..." She won't look at Emily, can hear her sigh nevertheless.

"Naomi, "she begins. Is cut off by the blonde.

"No.., Emily, please" Naomi is trying to be firm. "You made it perfectly clear what you feel; I don't need your pity."

It's Emily's turn to feel aggrieved. "Pity?" shakes her head, "I don't pity you, Naomi, I was concerned, Cook said you were pretty drunk and fucked up and I was worried."

Naomi again interrupts, "Oh yes, and we all know what drinking can lead to don't we Emily?" she looks into the elfin woman's eyes. "Don't we?" she repeats.

"Don't bring that up, that's unfair," Emily's throat closes and she flinches, "I was upset back then, I thought I was losing you."

"Losing me? Right," Naomi is starting to become angry, "So in order to try and not loose me, you turn up at my office, call my boss a "fat overbearing cow", and throw up over my first important client. Nicely done." She crosses her arms, she shakes her head, "You almost cost me my job, Emily"

Emily retaliates "Yes, your fucking precious fucking job, never mind our relationship was going down the fucking toilet, you nearly lost your job, that's way more important. She spits sarcastically.

"You selfish fucking cow, Naomi can hardly believe her ears, "You couldn't get a job, were jealous of mine, and you did everything you could to sabotage it, and us"

Emily takes in a sharp breath, "If you'd have paid any attention to US, you'd have noticed how you were changing, how you ignored me, couldn't wait to leave in the morning, came home later, and later. You couldn't have made it more obvious you wanted me out of your life."

Naomi is stunned, says quietly "That's not true." All the things I did for you. All stuff I bought"

Emily can't stand it, the same old arguments again and again."Yes, you bought me, I was just something you fucking bought."

Naomi is breathing hard, her eyes flash as the insults are hurled, same old twists. Same old defiance of the truth. She shakes her head, doesn't trust herself to say anything.

"Nothing to say? Makes a change" Emily feels the hot prick of tears at her eyes. Her voice breaks slightly "Naomi?"

There's a silence as they both realise they're getting nowhere fast. Emily tries to lighten the mood. Says quietly "She is a fat overbearing cow..." she smiles slightly.

"Emily," it's a warning from Naomi.

"Sorry," Emily takes a breath, takes a couple of steps closer, "I didn't come here to argue with you" She reaches out, hesitates, and finally takes one of Naomi's hands, and leads her to the sofa. Naomi says nothing, stares at her hand as she's lead to the sofa, and almost on automatic pilot, sits down.

"I really was concerned" Emily says simply, "Cook said you were pretty out of it."

"You turned me down, "Naomi almost whispers it, "I wanted you back, you turned me down, I just wanted to forget."

Emily shuffles closer, reaches out and rubs her thumb along the tattoo on Naomi's inner arm, "I thought you wanted nothing to do with me anymore?"

Naomi Shudders at the touch lets out a shaky breath. "I don't, you're too stubborn." Smiles sadly.

Emily moves closer still, "You're Arrogant" her eyes move to Naomi's lips.

Naomi leans in, whispers, "You're cynical," Closes her eyes, as Emily's head tilts to one side, and is lead by her mouth as it makes gentle contact with Emily's. She hears a whimper from Emily "Please."

The kiss deepens and its Naomi's turn to shudder as Emily's fingers brush against a breast, the nipple instantly and almost painfully erect. She feels Emily's full weight on her as they continue to kiss, becoming more frantic as emotions are channelled in an entirely different way. Emily's hand crushes against Naomi's breast, as Naomi arches into it. She breaks from their kisses, to release a shaking breath, cries out as Emily sucks at her neck, "Jesus"

Emily's hands work their way across Naomi's body, finds the hem of the large shirt and work their way underneath it, and using just the lightest of touches with her nails, runs her hands along Naomi's ribcage back to her breasts taking her time to caress and circle each nipple. Her hands travel back down Naomi's body, finds the tie string that hold up the loose trousers. She works a hand downwards, pauses for moment as she encounters the elastic of Naomi's Knickers. It's Naomi's turn to plead, as she arches upwards, and Emily pushes further, feeling the heat and slickness there. Naomi cries out as Emily's fingers work their way into her. Emily kisses her deeply as Naomi moves in time with her fingers.

It doesn't take long.

**OooooO**

Emily comes back into the bedroom carrying toast and tea on a tray; she places it at the end of the bed, and shrugging off Naomi's bathrobe climbs back into bed with her. They grin stupidly at each other as they silently munch at their supper. As Naomi takes a welcome gulp of tea, Emily asks innocently "What's the stain on the carpet, by the TV"

Naomi almost chokes. Looks embarrassed "Erm, it was nothing, an accident..."

Emily looks confused, decides not to press the point, shrugs "Right."

They fall silent again, not wanting to break the spell. Naomi finally coughs quietly, reaches out for Emily's hand, "So?" she asks tentatively.

"So..." Emily answers, "You're still in love with me"

"Yeah, I am" Naomi looks down, plays with her fingers nervously.

"I'm still in love with you." Emily says, almost a whisper.

They look into each other eyes, as Emily reaches out to the tattoo, "Will it be enough?"

Naomi leans in, "It'll have to do for the time being. "

After some wriggling the tray falls to the floor. It leaves another stain.

**A/N We're not done yet...**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N See? This is what happens, I get work. Sorry for taking so long. Let you into a secret, I try not to read other stuff while I'm writing, I get all critical of my own stuff, there's lots of really good work on the site, and...Well; saw updates for Halfway Valentine, damn. Wish I could write like that, and Coming Back to You got updated, that's really good. So it took a while to get back into the flow of it. Hope you like it, you knew the ending was coming, right?**

_Cook throws the overstuffed rucksack onto the bunk. It almost gives way under the weight of it. He begins to unpack. Half way through, he sits heavily on the bunk, elbows on knees he sits head in hands, rubs his hands through freshened buzz cut. He reaches for his cigarettes, and sparks one up. He waits for Naomi's weight on his side; instead the doorway darkens as the familiar bulk of Jameson comes through the door. "Those things will kill you, man."_

_Cook says nothing raises a middle finger. _

"_Told you you'd be back. You can't go back to the world, dude, didn't you realise that? "_

"_Sound advice, Mr Jameson, I'll listen to you next time" Cook nods. _

"_Things not go to well?" Jameson is at least trying to sound concerned. _

"_Some things, not so good, as expected really, some things, went OK, re-connected, you know? Found out who the real friends are." Cook nods, "Yep, that was good"_

_Their musings are cut short as the JTAC comes into the small space. _

"_Ah, Mr, Cook, So glad you could join us once again, you're well, I take it." His pale blue eyes pierce Cook's, looking for weakness. _

"_Yes Sir raring to go." Cook forces the positive mood. _

"_Splendid, Mr Cook, we'll find a mission for you. Acceptable?" He nods towards Jameson, "keep him out of trouble Mr Jameson, I'm counting on you."_

"_Sir" Jameson nods towards the Colonel._

**OooooO**

Emily watches smirking from the bed as Naomi fiddles around in her small bag; she can hear the muttered curses.

"Fuck sakes," Naomi stands, re-arranges the small bath towel that's doing nothing to cover her, "I've forgotten to pack clean knickers, Can I..? She gestures towards Emily's small chest of drawers.

"Help yourself" Emily is still smiling, as Naomi begins to rummage around, Emily continues, "You should, y'know, maybe keep some stuff here, you could have some drawer space." She smiles wider as Naomi looks around, a shocked look on her face.

"Some drawer space, really? You could spare that? For me?" She starts around the edge of the bed, Emily's seen that look before, knows she's going to be tickled for her trouble. Starts to head for the other end of her bed. "Yeah, I could, y'know? Spare a bit of space. Not much though"

Naomi looks shocked, as Emily continues, "I mean, I don't want your crap all over my room"

"My crap..?" Naomi is smiling, "You're dead Fitch"

"Oh shit" Emily makes a run for it, is caught easily, and is dumped shrieking back onto the bed, Naomi gets to work on the tickling. Emily is breathless as she waves her hands in submission, "OK, I'm sorry about calling your stuff crap."

"I should think so, I have high class designer..." It goes unfinished as Emily darts underneath her

"...Crap" She runs for the Kitchen.

Naomi stands dressed, ready for work, in a corner speed spooning cornflakes. Emily still in PJs watches the toaster, she yawns and stretches. Naomi looks at her watch "I have to go." She says through a mouthful.

Emily nods, "Attractive."

Naomi comes to her side of the kitchen puts her arms around Emily's waist from behind, "You know we could solve all this?" she gestures to her bag in the corner, "All this living out of bags"

Emily stiffens a little "We talked about this Noams, not yet, OK? I'm not ready to just move back in, OK?"

Naomi rests her head on Emily's shoulder, "OK, but come round tonight, yeah? I'll make supper."

Emily nods "D'you you want me to bring anything?"

She means food, which Naomi understands, but chooses to pretend she doesn't, smiles "Bring some clean knickers; I'll make some space in a drawer."

Emily nods simply, gets the meaning "OK" she manages finally, breathlessly.

Naomi kisses her neck, "See you later" walks away. Emily gets back to watching the toaster, its spring doesn't work, and she's trying not to burn it. She's caught by surprise as Naomi's arm snake back around her waist, Naomi growls, spins her around, plants a kiss on Emily's lips, "Arggghhhh, I have to go"

Emily laughs, "Go, for fucks sake, go, you'll be late. " Naomi runs from the kitchen again, shouts over her shoulder "Later, ok?"

Emily laughs, suddenly sniffs the air, spins around "Oh, shit..."

**OooooO**

_Cook and Jameson are running. Cook is beginning to think that he'd not have signed up so readily if he'd have known it was going to be like this, all this running it's bad for the heart. Even now he can't help make bad jokes. He checks behind him and see Jameson 50m behind and slightly to the right. Maintaining separation even as it all falls to shit around them, professional, even though they both known it doesn't matter anymore. Chris and Mark dead, He and Jameson barely escaping the ambush, they are running literally for their lives, and both of them understand the chances are slim. They round a small bend in the track; it rises slightly and then dips into some trees. It's a as good a place as any, and Cook calls for Jameson to stop running. _

_They're both hands on knees as Cook looks about "Here'll do"_

_Jameson nods, he's breathing too heavily to answer, looks about and start to move to the other side of the road as the noise of machine guns sound around them, both flatten to the ground, and crawl to the cover that the Trees afford, rounds clatter into trunks, and hammer into branches. Leaves and debris falls around them. Cook takes aim and starts firing short controlled bursts. He loads magazine after magazine, keeps firing, he has no other option. They cannot run any further, standing now would be suicide. He keeps firing. He hears Jameson shout out "Magazine" he's down to his last, 30 rounds, then pistols. Cook continues to fire, he hears Jameson swear, then single rounds as he fires his pistol. Cook empties his rifle, that's it. Draws his pistol, takes aim, and starts shooting. _

_Jameson looks over to where Cook is huddled in a scrape behind a low tree; there is a lull in the firing. Calls out to him. "How many rounds left?"_

_Cook draws out the mag from the butt of the pistol "Four"_

_Jameson Nods, "one." _

_Cook says nothing knows what he's going to use the round for. _

_He rolls over onto his back, fiddles around in his chest pocket for fags and the lighter; normally he wouldn't ever smoke on a mission, now it doesn't matter. Takes in a lungful, lets his thoughts drift, and her face comes clearly into his mind. He's momentarily surprised that it's her and not Effy or Soraya. Smiles though, and thinks to himself, "never going to get that shag now". Suddenly the firing starts again, Cook can tell they're much closer, spits out the fag, and risks a look, he sees faces amongst the low branches around him, fires off two rounds, and there's screaming, as he scrambles away he hears a single pistol shot, closely followed by a volley of automatic fire. He crouches behind a fat tree, sees a figure dart in and out of the saplings in front of him, and takes careful aim. Drops him as he comes into view again. Last round. He sinks down and sits heavily behind the tree. Looks at the pistol in his lap, and draws it up to his temple. Takes in a breath, thinks of Freddie. Shakes his head_

"_Fuck that" he thinks. He stands, unclips the two fragment grenades from his belt kit, and taking a breath pulls the pins from both of them, holding the levers firmly. Cook closes his eyes briefly and then spins and runs towards the surprised men in front of him who are standing around the body of Jameson, Cook screams loudly as he lets go of the pins and tackles the nearest man to the ground. He smells like cardamom, Cook thinks... _

**OooooO**

Naomi wakes with a start, sits upright in bed. Emily rolls over and opens sleep smudged eyes "Hey, you OK?"

Naomi nods, "Yeah, just bad dreams, go back to sleep, I'm going to get some water"

Emily snuggles down under the duvet that Naomi pulls back over her, and Naomi pads out of the bedroom into the small kitchen, she doesn't turn on the light, instead opens the blind slightly to let the street light illuminate the space. She takes a glass, and fills it, taking small sips; she sits at the table rubbing her head. "Weird dreams" she thinks." Too much late night coffee" She finishes her water, walks carefully back to the bedroom, pauses at the doorway looks at the small woman tucked under the duvet sleeping peacefully, smiles to herself, it's going well, she thinks, thinks they may have actually cracked it this time, they seem to have grown, accepted each other for who they actually are, rather than who they pretend to be sometimes. Makes a note to tell Cook and properly thank him for pushing her to get back with Emily, without him, she thinks they may not have made it at all.

They're having breakfast when they hear the knocking on the door. They look at each other. Naomi only half smiles when she says "Emily, have you parked that fucking bike on the pavement again?"

Emily laughs, "No, it's out the back, it's nothing to do with me"

Naomi stands walks to the door, opens it to find two uniformed men standing in front of her, the older man is wearing a dog collar, the younger man speaks "Miss Campbell?"

"Yes." Her throat tightens. She feels Emily behind her.

"We understand that you're the next of kin for Captain James Cook, is that correct?"

Naomi nods mutely. Only hears partially as the older one starts to say "We're here to tell you..."

Naomi falls to the floor, "NO" it repeats in her head, a million times over, she doesn't want to hear what they say, but they carry on regardless.

"...Our sad duty to inform you that Captain Cook was killed in action yesterday..."

"No, "thinks Naomi, "Cook died a long time ago when he received the bones of his lover made into a chair, it was only really a matter of timing" She hears Emily begin to cry, reaches out to comfort her.

**Fin **


End file.
